TUCSON, Ariz. — Remember “Sling Blade”?
Me neither, but apparently Billy Bob Thornton won an Academy Award for his work on that film. An Academy Award for best screenplay, but an Academy Award all the same.
Later, in 2000, Thornton got a career super-boost when he hooked up with Angelina Jolie (SCORE!), who allegedly wore a vial of his blood around her neck. The two were married for a little more than three years, and even adopted a child together.
During his marriage to Jolie — who, by the way, is almost 20 years younger than him and just so happens to be pretty much the sexiest woman on the face of the Earth — Billy Bob Thornton starred in a little movie called “Monster’s Ball,” where he participated in one of the most realistic love scenes in cinematic history. Oh yeah, and the love scene was with Halle Berry, who just so happens to rival Jolie as the sexiest woman on the face of the Earth.
Why am I regurgitating all of this Billy Bob Thornton gossip in a space that is supposed to be dedicated to a review of “Mr. Woodcock?” Simple: To establish the fact that, all things considered, Billy Bob Thornton is basically the biggest stud Hollywood has ever seen, and based on his studliness, anything he does should therefore be automatically awesome.
Thornton sort of hit the jackpot with 2003’s “Bad Santa”; it felt like he had finally found his true niche in Hollywood — the disgruntled, cynical, all-around dirty old man that’s still young enough to be cool. He played a similar role in 2005’s “Bad News Bears,” and now he’s back again in “Mr. Woodcock,” playing the sadistic title character: a middle school gym teacher who gets his kicks from antagonizing athletically inept boys.
“Mr. Woodcock” is one of those movies with a really funny trailer. Theoretically, funny trailers equal funny movies. Or, funny trailers equal… funny trailers, and that’s it. Unfortunately for “Mr. Woodcock,” it’s one of those movies where all the funny parts are in the preview so there’s really no reason to see the movie itself.
That being said, Billy Bob Thornton fans will not be disappointed, nor will fans of his co-star, Seann William Scott. Both actors are successful in their roles, and Amy Poehler is also extremely amusing in her supporting role. However, the movie as a whole is blase at most, not as funny as “Balls of Fury” and not even worthy to shine the shoes of “Superbad.”
The plot is typical, the jokes are predictable and almost all of the humor is derived from physical comedy. The rest of the humor comes from Thornton, who seems to have become really comfortable playing straight-up rotten old guys.
When taking into account the absurd prices for movie tickets, as well as the insane amount of comedies in theaters right now (the aforementioned “Balls of Fury” and “Superbad,” as well as “Rush Hour 3″ and the sure-to-be-unintentionally-amusing “Dragon Wars”), don’t waste your money on “Mr. Woodcock.” Just sit at home, go to YouTube and watch all the trailers for it. You’ll never know the difference.