As I walked toward the entrance of a store in the mall, my throat began to constrict. My palms became clammy. My pupils were dilated. My pulse began to skyrocket. Adrenaline pumped through my veins. It was now or never.
No, I wasn’t going to rob the place - I was going to purchase my first vibrator.
We live in a society that views sex as more of a lucrative marketing tool than a means of continuing our species. If you flip through a magazine, nearly every ad has a half-naked woman, a half-naked man or a half-naked woman and man combo.
Call me crazy, but the image of two emaciated models pseudo-screwing on a cloud doesn’t make me want to run out and spend $100 on 4 ounces of Eau de Snob.
When we are oversaturated with these images of pleasure and bliss, why is it still so weird for men and women to purchase products that will enhance their sex lives?
The latest issue of Men’s Health Magazine polled 10,000 people about sex, and a staggering 81 percent of women polled want their partner to use sex toys on them. If women are comfortable enough to use a toy with their partner, you can only imagine the percentage of women who would take a solo spin.
I decided to purchase my first sex toy a few weeks ago when I rewatched the episode of “Sex and the City” when Samantha’s vibrator dies, and she’s forced to buy a replacement.
What can I say? The idea simply intrigued me.
At first, I shopped online.
Web sites like goodvibrations.com and
discreet-romance.com have hundreds of toys and ship purchases in plain boxes. This way if you aren’t home when it arrives, your neighbors won’t be able to stare at the giant box on your welcome mat with “Vibrator” stamped across the side in big black letters.
I wanted to see a product before I bought it, so I opted to buy one in a store. I wasn’t comfortable going behind the beaded curtain in the first place I visited. There’s something about having to show ID to get into a store’s back section that can elicit embarrassment from even the most sexually liberated.
The sizes of the toys I saw reminded me of my grandmother’s rolling pins, which was not what I wanted. As I left, I racked my brain for stores that carried sex toys, but wouldn’t make me feel like a skeezeball for being there.
My solution? Spencer Gifts in the Chico Mall.
As my foot crossed the threshold of the store, my eyes darted around, ensuring I’d never so much as ridden an elevator with anyone present. On a normal day, I’d casually browse the items - laugh at a stupid T-shirt, test the fart machine or read the nutrition content of the candy man-thongs. Today was far from normal.
Since the store was set up for Valentine’s Day, an entire rack was dedicated to toys of all kinds. Big ones, little ones, some that vibrate, some that spin, some shaped like penises and others shaped like octopuses and bunny rabbits.
I felt overwhelmed, and each had cooler features than the last. With promises of “whisper-quiet fun” and “explosive vibrations,” can you blame me?
It’s good to know what you want out of your toy before you buy one. However, if it’s your first one, you aren’t really going to know what you prefer. As far as prices go, they ranged from $9.99 for basic models to ones with all the bells and whistles for $35 or more.