When Roxy was just a little girl, thoughts of the future usually consisted of a mix between “The Jetsons” and “Star Trek.” Now that she’s less innocent, a romp with Captain Jean Luc Picard is about as much as Roxy ever thinks of Star Trek. Being wooed by Patrick Stewart circa 1994 is not an offer one could refuse — nor should one.
As hot as a session aboard the Enterprise sounds, Roxy can’t help but wonder what the sex of tomorrow has in store for us. If we can make hydrogen cars and iPhones, it’s only natural that we will one day have some high-tech shagging.
The first thing Roxy learned from sci-fi is that robots are the way of the future. If they are, it would be cruel to make the blasted things anatomically incorrect. Really, we’d be doing everybody a disservice. Pleasuretron 3000, anyone?
A sexybot is just what the doctor prescribed! Just think about it. Mr. Pleasuretron can come with an array of interchangeable dongs, one for each occasion. Boys, worry not, for there is also a Pleasuretron for you! She can be just as customizable as her manly counterpart. Both models come with a never-tiring extra-strength tongue to get at those hard to reach places. And the best part is these intelligent little bots get to clean themselves up and store themselves under the bed while you puff that post-orgasmic ciggie away.
But Roxy, you might ask, what can we use if we’re out of town and I can’t check my 200lb sexybot at the airport as luggage? My comrades, don’t despair! The mighty Hitachi Magic Wand, the king of vibrators, will be no match for what the future has in store. Advances in implants are paving the way for the all-mighty ecstasy giver. You and I will be able to have our very own insta-orgasm implant. You’re probably thinking, instawhat? Well, it’s quite simple. When the urges within strike, the best way to take care of them will be from within. Just by thinking about it, shock waves from the brain will enable tiny genital implants that’ll rock your socks. No more will we have to deal with the roommate who disturbs that self-loving session. Want a longer session? Just adjust the setting! With its nifty Bluetooth function, you can get it on to the beat of your favorite naughty tune straight from iTunes. Best of all, it’s completely hands-free.
Gotta love them sex toys, but what’s hotter than two people bumping and thrusting? (Besides three of four people bumping and thrusting, of course.) People-sex! Although Roxy has yet to meet someone who has mastered the entire Kama Sutra, it wouldn’t hurt for sex to evolve some more. How about multi-tasking?